Cannabis-Infused Breakfast Tot-chos That Cancel Tomorrow
(the 4 a.m. tater-tot nacho hybrid that looked at the concept of brunch and said “hold my parole officer”)
Crispy tots, queso fountain, bacon, runny egg, hot sauce, and a 22 mg THC queso blanco that turns the most sacred of hangover foods into a one-way portal to Sunday Scaries on Saturday night. One plate = the official breakfast of “I just Venmo-requested my past self for emotional damages.”
Servings: 4 reckless plates (or 1 if you’re already speaking in tongues)
THC per plate: 22 mg (we passed the point of return three recipes ago)
Total time: 40 minutes active + 7 days of infusion reckoning
CANNABIS INFUSION: 22 mg THC QUESO BUTTER (the white death)
1 lb (4 sticks) unsalted European butter
9 g finely ground decarboxylated 18–20% THC flower (≈ 580 mg usable THC total batch)
Decarboxylation
- oven exactly 240 °F
- 9 g ground flower spread like a crime scene on parchment
- 40 minutes exactly → cool completely
Infusion (water-bath, no survivors)
1. Low simmer water bath
2. Entire 1 lb butter into 32-oz mason jar, melt
3. Add cooled decarbed weed, lid loose
4. Hold 185–195 °F for exactly 3 hours, swirl every 30 min
5. Double-strain hot, fridge overnight → glowing emerald weapon
Yield ≈ 440 g → every heaping tablespoon (≈16 g) = exactly 22 mg THC
TOT-CHO INGREDIENTS (4 plates)
2 lb frozen tater tots (extra crispy kind)
12 oz thick-cut bacon, cooked and chopped
8 large eggs, fried sunny-side up
1½ cups shredded pepper-jack
1½ cups shredded sharp cheddar
All 440 g (88 mg total) THC butter
½ cup all-purpose flour
3 cups whole milk
8 oz Velveeta (yes, really)
4 oz diced green chiles (canned)
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp cayenne
Hot sauce, sliced jalapeños, scallions, sour cream for garnish
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Bake tots at 425 °F for 25–30 min, flipping once, until violently crispy.
2. While tots cook, make the THC queso: melt entire batch of THC butter in a pot. Whisk in flour, cook 2 min. Slowly add milk while cursing.
3. When thick, add Velveeta, cheeses, green chiles, and spices. Stir until it’s smoother than your excuses. Keep warm.
4. Assemble: divide tots onto 4 oven-safe plates. Smother in THC queso. Top with bacon and two runny eggs per plate.
5. Broil 60–90 seconds until the cheese bubbles like it’s laughing at your life choices.
6. Garnish with hot sauce, fresh jalapeños, scallions, sour cream.
7. Serve to the friend who swore “I’m never drinking again.” Watch them take one bite, yolk breaks, eyes dilate to dinner plates, and they whisper “…the tater tot just read me my rights.”
PRO TIPS
- That THC butter is now legally a controlled substance in 12 states. Hide it.
- Lighter dose? There is no lighter dose anymore.
- If the eggs start confessing your sins and the bacon forms a perfect pentagram, congratulations; you just achieved breakfast enlightenment.
Equal parts queso, yolk, bacon grease, and the overwhelming urge to call your mom and apologize for everything, forever, starting with 2009.
#TotchosFromHell #22mgAndSundayScariesOnSaturday #QuesoCult #theediblehangover #breakfastapocalypse