Cannabis-Infused Duck-Fat Chocolate Chip Cookies
That Make Your Permanent Record Disappear from Every School District on Earth
(the cookie that looked at every detention slip, every “talks too much,” every forged excuse note and quietly fed them into the incinerator of history)
Crispy-edged, fudgy-centered, 100 mg THC duck-fat chocolate chip cookies so obscene they erase your entire academic transcript in one chew. One cookie = the official snack of “I just requested my high-school records and the office says ‘no student by that name ever attended’… and I’ve never felt more validated.”
Yields: 12 large cookies (or 1 if you’re finally free of the system
THC per cookie: exactly 100 mg
Total time: 45 min active + chill time + 7 days proper infusion
CANNABIS INFUSION: 100 mg THC LECITHIN DUCK-FAT
454 g rendered duck fat (yes, the whole tin)
22.7 g cannabis flower testing 22 % THC (≈ 4994 mg total THC pre-decarb)
2 tbsp (14 g) sunflower lecithin granules
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped (infused and removed)
DECARBOXYLATION
240 °F exact, 22.7 g medium-fine grind, thin layer, 40 minutes → cool completely
INFUSION (lab-grade)
1. Gently melt duck fat with vanilla bean in mason jar water bath
2. At 185 °F add decarbed cannabis + lecithin
3. Hold 185–195 °F exactly 2 hours, swirl every 15 min
4. Strain hot through 90-micron + coffee filter
5. Cool 10 min → whip 60 sec to re-emulsify
6. Fridge overnight → luxurious golden-green poultry cocaine
Yield ≈ 420 g containing 1200 mg total usable THC
→ 100 mg per 35 g portion (per cookie)
COOKIE DOUGH
250 g all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp flaky sea salt
170 g cold THC duck-fat, in small cubes
150 g dark brown sugar
100 g granulated sugar
2 large eggs (cold)
2 tsp vanilla extract
300 g 70 % dark chocolate, chopped into chunks
Flaky salt for finishing
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Whisk flour, baking soda, salt.
2. In stand mixer with paddle, beat cold THC duck-fat with both sugars until it looks like wet sand (3–4 min).
3. Add eggs one at a time, then vanilla. Mix just until combined.
4. Dump in flour mixture, mix on low until barely combined. Fold in chocolate chunks.
5. Portion into 12 massive 100 g balls (each contains exactly 35 g infused duck-fat = 100 mg THC). Chill 2 hours minimum (overnight is better).
6. Preheat oven to 375 °F. Place 6 balls on parchment-lined sheet, sprinkle with flaky salt.
7. Bake 12–14 minutes—edges golden, centers still soft and underbaked. Cool on sheet 10 minutes.
8. Hand one cookie to the friend who still has a permanent record. Watch them take two bites, smile like a kid who just skipped detention, and whisper “…my guidance counselor just called and said I was never enrolled and they’re refunding my entire tuition.”
PRO TIPS
Onset 20–40 min. Duck-fat + lecithin + cold dough = academic-record-seeking warhead.
Freeze unbaked balls; bake straight from freezer and accidentally delete college too.
If the cookies start smelling like burning report cards and your diploma spontaneously combusts, you have achieved cookie enlightenment.
Twelve cookies. Zero permanent record.
#DuckFatTranscriptDelete #100mgAndNoGPA #LecithinCookies #theedibleexpulsion #cookiethatunpersonsyourpast