Cannabis-Infused Garlic Bread That Files Restraining Orders
(the loaf that looked at your arteries, laughed, and moved into your nightmares)
Buttery, triple-garlic, parmesan-crusted menace wearing a velvet 10 mg THC cloak that turns basic garlic bread into a full-blown hostage situation with flavor. One slice = the official snack of “I can no longer feel my face… or my mortgage.”
Servings: 1 savage loaf → 12 slices of pure chaos
THC per slice: 10 mg
Total time: 90 minutes active + 7 days of infusion therapy
CANNABIS INFUSION: 10 mg THC GARLIC BUTTER
1 lb (4 sticks) unsalted European butter
4 g finely ground decarboxylated 18–20% THC flower (≈ 250 mg usable THC total batch after losses)
Decarboxylation
oven exactly 240 °F → spread 4 g ground flower thin on parchment → 40 minutes → cool completely
Infusion (water-bath, no excuses)
1. Fill pot with water, low simmer
2. 1 lb butter into a 32-oz mason jar, melt in water bath
3. Add cooled decarbed weed, lid loose
4. Hold 185–195 °F for exactly 3 hours, swirl every 30 min
5. Double-strain (cheesecloth twist + coffee filter while hot)
6. Fridge overnight → emerald-flecked golden weapon
Yield ≈ 440 g → every level tablespoon (14 g) = exactly 10 mg THC
BREAD INGREDIENTS (one loaf to rule them all)
1 large loaf grocery-store Italian bread (the soft kind, not the crusty artisan that judges you)
All 440 g (10 mg) THC garlic butter
1 full head garlic confit (slow-cooked in regular butter till spreadable)
1 full head garlic, roasted whole and squeezed
8–10 raw garlic cloves, grated to a paste on microplane (yes, raw)
1½ cups finely shredded parmesan (the real kind, not the green can)
½ cup chopped flat-leaf parsley
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
½ tsp red pepper flakes (optional but recommended)
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Slice the loaf almost all the way through in 1-inch sections (keep the bottom intact like a hostage).
2. Melt the entire batch of THC garlic butter. Stir in confit garlic, roasted garlic squeeze, raw garlic paste, salt, pepper, flakes. It should smell like Dracula just filed a police report.
3. Stuff every crevice with parmesan like you’re hiding evidence.
4. Spoon/pour the molten THC garlic butter into every cut until the loaf is drowning and glistening.
5. Wrap in foil, bake 15 minutes at 375 °F. Unwrap, shower with remaining parmesan + parsley, back in oven 10–12 minutes until the top is bubbling and threatening you.
6. Hand the first slice to the friend who claims they “don’t feel edibles.” Watch them take one bite, eyes dilate to dinner plates, and whisper “…the bread just asked me to leave my wife.”
PRO TIPS
- Freeze extra slices individually; reheat in foil and it comes back angrier
- Lighter dose? Grow a soul
- If the walls start sweating garlic and you suddenly understand Italian curse words, congratulations; you just achieved carb-loaded enlightenment
Equal parts butter, garlic, parmesan, and the overwhelming urge to fight God with a baguette.
#GarlicBreadRestrainingOrder #10mgAndDivorcePapers #ButterThatHatesYou #theedibleexorcism #parmesanpenance