Cannabis-Infused Schmaltz Matzo Ball Soup
That Deletes Your High-School Yearbooks
(the soup that looked at every awkward prom photo, every terrible haircut, and every “most likely to” caption and quietly redacted them from existence)
Fluffy, cloud-like matzo balls floating in a 80 mg THC golden schmaltz broth so pure it erases the entire concept of sophomore year. One bowl = the official comfort food of “I just opened my 2007 yearbook and every page with me on it is mysteriously blank.”
Servings: 5 large bowls (or 1 if you’re cleansing the timeline)
THC per bowl: exactly 80 mg
Total time: 3 hours active + 7 days proper infusion
CANNABIS INFUSION: 80 mg THC LECITHIN SCHMALTZ
500 g rendered chicken fat with onions (real Jewish deli schmaltz)
18.2 g cannabis flower testing 22 % THC (≈ 4004 mg total THC pre-decarb)
2 tbsp (14 g) sunflower lecithin granules
DECARBOXYLATION
240 °F exact, 18.2 g medium-fine grind, thin layer, 40 minutes → cool completely
INFUSION (lab-grade)
1. Melt schmaltz in 32-oz mason jar in 200 °F water bath
2. At 185 °F add decarbed cannabis + lecithin
3. Hold 185–195 °F exactly 2 hours, swirl every 15 min
4. Strain hot through 90-micron + coffee filter
5. Cool 10 min → whip 60 sec to re-emulsify
6. Fridge overnight → liquid sunshine when warm, solid gold when cold
Yield ≈ 470 g containing 400 mg total usable THC
→ 80 mg per 94 g portion (per bowl)
SOUP & MATZO BALLS
2 large carrots, sliced
2 celery stalks, sliced
1 large onion, halved
Fresh dill + parsley
4 quarts best chicken stock (homemade or low-sodium)
Matzo ball mix: 1 cup matzo meal, 4 eggs, 80 g of the THC schmaltz, ¼ cup seltzer, salt, pinch baking powder
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Make matzo balls: mix all ingredients, chill 30 min. Roll into 10 ping-pong sized balls (each gets ~8 g THC schmaltz).
2. Bring stock + vegetables to simmer. Drop matzo balls in, cover, simmer 40 minutes until ridiculously fluffy.
3. While simmering, gently melt remaining THC schmaltz.
4. Ladle soup + 2 matzo balls into each bowl. Drizzle exactly 78 g melted THC schmaltz over the top (94 g total fat per bowl = 80 mg THC). Finish with fresh dill.
5. Serve to the friend who still has braces in every photo. Watch them sip one spoonful, close their eyes, and whisper “…my entire MySpace top 8 just spontaneously combusted and I’ve never been happier.”
PRO TIPS
Onset 15–30 min. Pure chicken fat + lecithin = nostalgia-destroying missile.
Leftover schmaltz keeps 6 months frozen; fry latkes in it and accidentally erase middle school.
If the matzo balls float so high they bump the pot lid and start singing your old AIM away message backwards, you have achieved soup enlightenment.
Five bowls. Zero cringe memories.
#SchmaltzYearbookBurn #80mgAndNoPromPhotos #LecithinMatzo #theedibleteenangst #soupthatunpersonsyourpast